Tequila, you are very bad for me and think that you need to stay away. Oh, but how I do love you.

Oli, when we hang out and order those big pitcher of Margareta’s you must drink it all yourself. I want nothing to do with it anymore. ok, maybe I will have sip but that is it!

Love your guts baby!

I do not want to talk with you do to the very embarrassing night I had with you. I do feel that I need to apologize for my crazy actions.

so here we go…..

I am sorry that I went crazy on you at your work. I am sorry, very sorry that I thought it was ok for me to just drop in. Just for the record…I did call and leave a message saying that I was going to stop by because I wanted to pick my things up from you. At that time I did not know that your phone had craped out on you.

anyhoo, Please fogive and don’t hold it against me. I am not crazy…well…I can’t really say that because of the few times I went nuts on you .

I understand that you don’t want anything with me (girlfriend) I am not sure I even want a boyfriend. I think that was Tequila talking. I had a great time with you and I hope that we could still be friends. Just so you know…I will not go to your work anymore.

xxx’s,

ella~

If you know me then you know that I have been divorced from Tequila for a long time but we still seem to hook up almost every night. So to you Tequila we are done! don’t call anymore!

First off, I give you every right to laugh at me. I am a mess and I need to fix it ASAP! My drinking is getting out of control and I have to stop.

As you know I have been tripping, I mean TRIPPING on M for not calling me. Turns out that his phone was broken. I feel like a shit for leaving all those messages. He say’s that he never got my voice mails; I am not sure that I believe it. Anyways, moving onto the story where I become crazy and if you know me at all you can totally picture it.

Last night S and I go to M’s bar because I am that crazy to show up at someone’s work. I just wanted to see what was up and be like “Yo! WTF!!!”

We get there and he greets me with a hug like he always does I am just going to tell you the “after S had left the bar” because this is where the crying and craziness comes. OMG…

Please God, grant me the serenity to accept things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to stop and think it all the way through.

So not only was I drinking last night I got high for the first time in years. I was in the bathroom throwing up because I was that shit faced that I could not keep anything down and my head was spinning. The last time I was that shit faced I was with A, L and the crew bar hopping in Alameda when I was 22 years old. I come out of the bathroom and the bar is closed or is closing and I sitting there talking to M about god knows what and then BAM!!!! Craziness kicks in full gear! I start saying all the things that you should not say to a guy that you just started dating.

Drunken mess: I am looking for a boyfriend (what the hell! NO I am NOT!!!!) Why? Why do I say these things?!?!

M: I don’t know what I am looking for

DM: will I am looking for a boyfriend

M: that is not what I am looking for

DM: Why? Do we not click?

M: No, we don’t click

DM: why don’t we click?

M: We just don’t

DM: You want to have sex?

M: Yes…wait no I don’t want to have sex

DM: I am looking for a boyfriend!

M: not saying anything because we have covered this already and there is not need to say anything more.

DM: I asked you from the beginning what you were looking for and you said that you were not looking for anything and that it just needs to click.

M: I know

DM: well if you just wanted a F-Buddy then you should have told me then

M: I don’t think that you can handle that

DM: I could have if you told me from the beginning.

M: ok, I need to get back to work

Drunk Mess and Manager of the bar.

Manager: Let’s go across the street and have a drink

DM: I can’t drink anymore

Manager: come on just one more

DM: No, No way

Manager: ok

DM: I just want my shit back from M and then I want nothing more to do with him

Manager: What does he have of yours?

DM: My earrings and my book

Manager: ok so he will give it to you tomorrow

DM: no I want it tonight

Manager: how old are you?

DM: 26

Manager: oh because you are acting like a kid

DM: ???

Now this is where I start crying and I get kicked out of the bar by M and then the Manager will not let me back in

The manager is now yelling at me on Polk street “listen to yourself” blah, blah, blah, blah!!!!! Really that is how it sounded to me.

He leaves me standing outside. By the way him and M were trying to get me in a cab and I was being stupid and crying and crying and saying “no I want my STUFF TONIGHT!” anyways, I am standing out here a good 20 min. and the manager comes back out and it yelling at me some more say that I need to go home…blah, blah, blah, blah. I say “no” I am waiting for M because I want my stuff. After about what feels like an hour I say to the manager “If M tells me to leave then I will” so he goes and gets M and of course I am still crying and talking some sort of shit. M is like “fine here is my house key go get your stuff. I trust you enough to give you my house key. Go there and go to bed and I will be there in 45min” me “no, I am not going in your house I will wait for you outside” this went on for who knows how long.

I make it to his house by bus and walking because I did not want his money to take a cab. I passed out on his porch and when he got home he woke me up and brought me inside. I asked to use the bathroom. Went in his room. I get my stupid book (turns out that I had taken my earrings home already. I just cant find where I put them) I said that I am leaving and M said “you don’t want to leave” more craziness is coming…. Then I said “what all you want is sex! Then fine lets just get it over with!” here is where I take off all my clothes.

That is my night. A night that I will forever be embarrassed about. I can never show my face at that bar again. I am sure that everyone that works there will know the story. I am sure….I mean SURE M wants nothing to do with me.

Thank god M does not have a working phone because I don’t have to feel like I need to call and say sorry. I can just leave it and move on. I am so embarrassed that I really don’t want to talk with M or the Manager because I have NO idea what I would say.

NO BOYS NO DRINK for at least one month

I am not joking here…please keep me in your prayers.

Drunken mess, crazy, and everything that falls in between,